My week was pretty rough but it also taught me a lot!! I have been struggling in my companionship and have felt targeted. Seemed like anything that went wrong was blamed on me. I felt as if my companions didn't want me here and that they were reporting any little thing to the Branch President just to see if they could get me to lose it. I didn't completely lose it and held in a lot of anger better than I usually do. My companions have said they haven't seen really any improvement at all since I have been here so that was hard to hear because I have honestly felt I have been doing a lot better than I was day one. Even after talking with the Branch President he blamed a lot on me. I will admit I haven't been the best I can and I am really disappointed to look back and see how dumb I was. He said that my district had a lot of potential and I pretty much screwed it all up. Hearing that was if a giant boulder just fell on my head. This experience has taught me that I really need to think twice before I do or say anything because you never know you step over the line until something like this happens. The Lord has really helped me humble myself through this and has shown me how important it is to always be doing that very thing. We will never be perfect until Jesus Christ, the Redeemer of this World, comes again and we are all resurrected and judged according to our works. Even then some of us still won't be unless we honestly took the time here on Earth to work our very best! So until then we constantly have to be evaluating ourselves and do all we can do be better! I especially need to do that very thing because in all reality I won't have a successful mission unless I do. I will not let that happen I want to be the best I can. I need to make my parents and more importantly my Lord proud!!
I have been struggling to forget the world and focus all my attention on my mission but I have improved at it and have done better this week. I mean after all I am doing what I should be doing so the Lord will bless me and my family! It is crazy to see all these new Korean missionaries come in because it honestly feels like just yesterday when I was the new missionary. Time honestly does fly and I will really focus on not wasting any time now because time is not gonna slow down, it is gonna speed up when I am in Korea. I have been a missionary for like 2 months now, its crazy!! Friday at TRC we did a lesson over Skype and it was so awesome. Technology is amazing and it is incredible how even through a computer screen you can feel the spirit!! I am starting to understand and comprehend more bits and pieces of whatever I hear in Korean in my lessons. So that is kind of cool. I still have a long ways to go but I can put together a good amount of sentences in my head already! Korea is going to be amazing and I can't wait to get there!! I keep hearing that my mission is awesome and every time I hear about it I get more and more excited.
I met with a District President last Friday. He just wanted to check up on me and make sure I was doing well and emphasized the importance of being 100% obedient. Doing that very thing is so much harder than I thought it would be. Although when I have really tried to be I have sure noticed a difference. Like you always say mom, I must be exactly obedient and the Lord will bless me. Mom you are one smart lady and you always know what to say to cheer me up and keep me going!! I hung Dad's quote he sent about being an eagle in my closet and I read it everyday! I am trying to make that my motto because I wanna be an eagle, I want to run and not be weary, and want to walk and not faint. Like Sara said I need to take everything that has happened as a lesson learned and make it a goal to work as hard as I can so that it never happens again. I will always have trials and will we all. That is why we have the Lord, he will never leave us, and thanks to his atoning sacrifice we can be happy! That right there is all we need to focus our lives around. This gospel is incredible and we need to constantly be thanking God and his son Jesus Christ for all they have done for us.
Sundays are always awesome here at the MTC!! I wrote my talk for sacrament meeting on the Atonement just in case I got called up to speak because they don't tell you who is speaking till during sacrament so you always have to be ready! The good thing is this weeks topic is repentance so I can just use the one I wrote last week ;) haha. Temple walk was good we got some cookies from some girls that were trying to find their friends and couldn't so they gave us the cookies! They were yummy but not as yummy as the macadamia nut ones I just got from my family!! :) Jenny Oaks Baker, Dallin H. Oaks daughter, spoke and played violin along with her family at the devotional Sunday night so that was really cool. She told us God has a plan for me personally and I must submit my will to Him. Most importantly she said trust in Him and never lose faith! I watched Legacy after that. Legacy is always a good one. I saw Sister Huffaker my buddy and took a picture with her and caught up for a bit. It was nice seeing her, she is going to be a great missionary.
I was really worried this past Tuesday and I needed the extra blessings so I fasted all day! It was hard but through my fast the Lord truly did bless me and reassure me everything will be ok. I talked with one of the teachers, Brother Christiansen, just to get advice from an RM and that really helped. He said to steer far away from the edge of the cliff because we don't want to let the adversary have an easier shot of getting us. He said all the right things and truly helped me out!
Yesterday I met with a different District President, President Lindahl, he was awesome!! He was so understanding and told me I just need to learn from past mistakes I have made and move on. He compared life to a game and that we will always be having to work as hard as we can in order to win. He said everything that has happened wasn't all my fault so that was nice to hear too. He said Christ gave me this trial because He knows I will be a great missionary and he just needed me to learn how to humble and critique myself before I get out in the field. He also said I just need to learn how to deal with crap because throughout life we will constantly get junk thrown at us and we just need to learn how to deal with it. Life isn't easy and it will always be hard. There will always be some one who doesn't like us for whatever reason but that is them. You are you and have to power to do your very best!! He lastly said I need to develop charity for my companions and grow to love all of them that I will have. Any other 18 year old kid would of gave up by now and quit he said. He said that is what is cool about missionaries. They are all so strong and will be successful the rest of their lives because of all they have learned throughout their missions. At the Tuesday night devotional Bonnie Oscarson spoke. She spoke on the importance of always having the spirit with you at all times! The spirit is our guide and how we teach. She also said I have to always strive to go the extra mile and look for any opportunity to teach and bring people unto Christ. I will strive to make it my goal to do that very thing because there are people in Korea waiting for Elder Picard and I can't let them down. God has prepared those elect that are ready to hear the Gospel and it is my job to bring it to them!! Mission are not easy but they truly are amazing! I can't wait to get to Korea in 6 days and start sharing the Gospel!!
Hurrah for Israel!
Love,
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